January 19, 2010

Today.

(^Wow, my subjects are getting more lame as we speak!)

So today was...well, a day. Not particularly good, not particularly bad. Just....a'ight. ; )

I went to class, listened to some boring people talk, and came home. Got picked on about my eating habits....which stinks because I suppose it's a noticeable thing now. Not cool at all. When did it all turn in to this? One day, I was a normal 17-year-old chick who was rather insecure and played around with an "eating-disorder" and laughed at myself when that phase was over. Now it's like it consumes me.

Like today, I found out the class was going to have dinner at a cool restaurant this weekend. Now, normally I'd be pretty psyched because my parents said I could go. See, I'm on a very short leash: I'm not allowed to do much, nor do I really ask to do much. I don't really date, don't really go out w/ friends, don't like "shopping!" and "omg, boys!!!", ect... My closest friends are family (cousins, ect...) and I'd rather chill at home with my peeps than go out. I don't get in trouble or sneak around or anything...never have really tried. Sooo, the fact that I get to go out to a girls' dinner for the weekend would normally be pretty exciting. You know why it's not?- Food. I have to eat. I can't eat just a salad without people noticing, and that's making me not want to even go.


I'm ruining myself.


at 4:56 PM

2 comments:

  1. RachelJanuary 19, 2010 at 11:02 PM

    Hey,

    thanks for your comments on my blog posts.
    What you said about the fact you could have written them...well I could say the same about yours. Except I'm trying to keep my blog as un-pro ana as I can due to me being in 'recovery' and my friends that read my blog.

    I love the way you write honestly. One day, either way, things are going to be ok.

    and wow that sounded really corny I didn't mean for it to rhyme I just couldn't think of better words to use.

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  2. Beautiful DisasterJanuary 20, 2010 at 5:56 PM

    Man, seriously- like every post you've written, I feel like I either am there, or have been there recently. It's almost like a deja-vu kinda thing.
    Ooh- congrats on being in recovery! I love to see it when people get through this because it gives me hope that I'm not totally screwed over.

    Thanks so much for this. And the rhyming made it better, hehe. ; )

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