More thoughts for the night...

Today was a good day. I ate a 90cal. granola bar for breakfast, lunch, and then had some broccoli for dinner. That's a totaly of 300 calories, which is good for me in an entire day. I chewed gum like crazy and drank a countless number of diet Dr.Pepper, my true love. Tehe.

I got on the the scales tonight to find that I dropped four pounds since yesterday morning. Of course, it's always fast in the beginning, but still- it's enough to give me that high. Ah, that high...that amazing feeling when your head feels like you spun around a few times too fast; That feeling of your heart literally fluttering; the feeling of such happiness that you almost have to cover your mouth because you realized you were instantly smiling; That sense of accomplishment, success, and in some ways, defeat. Damn...I love that high.

You know, I've never really done drugs but I know that that feeling they speak of has to be close to this. I love the beginning of a weight-drop, because that high comes so often and so fast.... I step on the scale to see that my weight is down a pound from an hour ago, and I get a high. I sneak away to flush untouched food down the toilet and I get a high. I successfully vomit all of what I ate for dinner and I get that high. I wake up with a sharp pain in my stomache and ESPECIALLY get that high. I read about an "anorexic" celeb in the tabloids and see that my weight/height is lesser or equal to hers, and I get that high. I look in the mirror and see ribs and get high. I see that my thighs don't touch when my feet are together, and that only adds to it all. A friend makes a remark about me needing to "put on some weight" and I get high. I stand up and have to sit back down out of hunger-dizziniess, and I get that lovely "dizzy" high.

It's an amazing feeling that used to scare me, but it doesn't any more. You just sort of fall in love with it all.

I'll shut up now. Hehe, I'm getting a bit dramatic.

Have a lovely night.